Trash City have put Tony Tone’s Retarded Questionnaire to So. Cal’s wildest surf suckers Thee Cormans
. Here’s what their drummer, The Shaved Ape, had to say.
How did you come up with the name Thee Cormans?
I came up with it after watching Wild Angels for the 111th time.
How long has the band been together?
We have been together for 5 years now. It’s seems more like 5 months.
What was your first recording?
Our first recording was the Bitchin’ Toons single we recorded it in 20 minutes at my shop then went and got pizza.
What is your best gig so far?
That’s a tuff one cause there has been so many shitty ones. Actually they are all shitty will someone get us a good show.
What would be your dream gig venue?
A gay leather bar in another country. Don’t ask don’t tell
What is the largest crowd that you have performed for?
We played at a fat camp once. Everyone there was pretty large.
How old are you?
Old enough to make a baby, but young enough that I don’t need diapers.
It’s the day your mother squeezes you out of her vagina. Also known as a birthday.
Where were you born?
California. My kinfolk thought Californy is the place you ought to be.
Where did you attend school?
Ya I checked it out for a bit. I learned a lot about how much people suck.
When did you begin playing music?
I played drums on the table since I was 5. I don’t think I got a drum set until I was 23.
How tall are you?
What color are your eyes?
I am told they are green, gray and blue. I try not too look in the mirror. Usually I am just seeing red.
Black like my boyfriend.
Are you a mod or a rocker?
Neither. I would be hard pressed to find two more pathetic labels.
Who has had the greatest influence on your music?
This question is retarded. There are too many. I could get really deep and name a bunch of obscure shit or be ironic and say The Ramones. Fuck that shit, I like everything you hate and hate everything you like.
What is your desert island food?
What is your favorite adult beverage?
Children like adult beverages, real adults drink water. I like water.
Who is your celebrity crush?
I hate most modern day celebrities. Joanne Woodward always sorta did it for me. Plus I wouldn’t mind being in a Paul Newman, Joanne sanwhich. Verna Miles was always hot too.
If you could jam with any artist, living or dead, who would it be?
I don’t follow the art scene too much.
Are you in a serious relationship?
It’s anything but serious. She is always making jokes at my expense.
What is your favorite movie?
I hate favorites but Pee Wee’s Big Adventure has it all.
What is your favorite tv show?
Twilight Zone is definitely one of them.
What is your very favorite song of all time? You may only pick one.
Black Flag - Slip It In. I love the part at the end were the girl says “Let’s cum together”
What city have you played in that is the most fun?
Los Angeles has been the most fun for Thee Cormans. We just did the west coast and met a lot of cool people. We also met a bunch of dickfaces. I thought Portland was going to be a blast, but there was a bunch of high and mighty intellectual douche bags with too much Portland pride. It made me appreciate our local scene even though it’s total shit.
Mikey Ratt. He is Thee Cormans biggest fan and my personal biggest fan. He loves me more than my own mother does. It is disgusting.
If you were not a musician, what would you be?
I am not a musician at all. I can barely play drums. I would love to have a tv show where I travel around looking for strange historical places. I would try and avoid alien shit. Aliens are bogus.
Name 5 people, living or dead who you would invite to a dinner party.
My Grandpa, Hitler, Malcolm X, Ghengis Khan, and Harvey Milk. I would let all those faggots fight while I hung out with my Grandpa Bob.
Name one talent that you have that nobody knows.
I can only wink with my right eye.
Boxers or briefs or commando?
I recently converted to boxer briefs and they are treating me right.
What is your most favorite concert that you attended?
I saw the Go-Nuts at a Halloween block party with a few good friends. They annihilated suburbia with sugar. Totally surreal.
If Justin Beiber were in a burning building would you try to save him?
Yes but only cause I thought he was a cute chick
If you were stranded on a desert island, what two things would you have to have?
What is the most embarrassing moment that you have had on stage?
Everytime our bass player fucks up. Thee Cormans are a fine tuned rock n’ roll machine and sometimes he forgets that.
How famous do you want to be?
Famous enough to pay my bills but still have people like you leaave me alone.